Ever have a theme that keeps re-occuring in your life, where you keep hearing or noticing something, over and over, until the point where you sit up and acknowledge that this must be of importance to you for some reason in your life right now?
I had coffee with a good friend, then a phone conversation, emails from two more people, and then conversations this past week – that all centered around fighting being tired and over-worked in a call to justice or in ministry, and the need for balance and discernment around that. The fact that burnout is common among people who work in non-profits, churches, international development, community development, outreach, reconciliation – for many of us who feel called to be with those who are suffering or sick or without – this fact seems to attest to the reality that we might have bought into a lie about our “call.” Namely, that rest, boundaries, sabbath time, or saying ‘no’ are not valid options for those of us who work with the poor, the hungry, the suffering, or in any job where we feel passionately called to help others and improve on or alleviate their suffering. It’s almost like the embedded though is that if people are suffering in the world, we should too – whether it takes the form of not caring for our bodies, or being unable to say no, or over-working and being stressed to burnout, or feeling a kind of “survivor’s guilt” about having privilege or choices when others do not.
This is a difficult area for me, because I do not have answers or a way to connect my various thoughts on the topic. I firmly believe that Christ does say to pick up your cross and follow, and to be willing to suffer or even lay down your life for others – to love others as I love myself is a healthy aspect of discipleship that flows from the model that Jesus gives us. And I also firmly believe that Christ promises abundant life, an easy yoke, deep joy, fufillment, and rest. These things go hand in hand – a both/and – not an either/or. But the interplay of these areas, when to rest and take care of self and when to sacrifice or serve others, is difficult, and I suspect many sources – culture, church, graduate school, career planning, family and friends, gender roles, expectations, judgment, our own personality quirks, people pleasing, the professionalization of service, paternalism, undeveloped theology, un-practiced faith – are part of selling the lies that make this discernment hard.
Even though I am still figuring most of this out, I have learned that an imbalance of too much suffering, or the inability to rest, is intricately connected to arrogance – to over-assuming our importance and our roles; like the earlier quote on being both infinitely necessary and infinitely superfluous to God’s plan. Deep underneath not caring for ourselves, or for others appropriately, is an unhealthy idea about what we must do in order to keep it all going. Even if I rest, or make a mistake, or do not make something happen, God will certainly make it so. And at the same time I have to do my part and not rely on over-spiritual answers to excuse inactivity or lack of commitment. Resting, receiving, letting go of control, relying on others, sharing the journey, sometimes accepting suffering – maybe these are all little steps toward learning how to balance this all.
Wow, you’ve given me fodder for the whole weekend to mull over. Luckily, it’s my first “quiet” weekend in many moons. Thank you, this is deep. It is tough though – because indeed having that “open mind” to the rest of the world means that we internalize that indeed the world does not stop spinning at 5pm, or when we go to bed…and personally I know the more I interact with people and friends who don’t at least acknowledge that in their conversations and/or spiritual lives, the more burden I place on myself (maybe because I have no outlet to talk about it?).
Anyway, thank you.
Thanks for this. I’ve come to realize that often in the work of justice or ministry, the overwork and overextension without rest also takes a toll on the other parts of life–personal relationships, friends, time devoted to other things. Be Still and Know, right? I want to do that. And I ask myself, does my life as it is right now allow for that? And how do I work to make that space? Thanks always for your insight.
This is a topic I have been forced to think about a lot! Every time I think I’ve got it sorted, life gets crazy again and I have to think it through again. At present I am feeling exhausted by all the pain that surrounds me… just ignoring that pain is not an option, but on the other hand if I fall in a heap I’m not doing anyone any good. One insight that has been helpful to me is that when Jesus says ‘take up your cross and follow me’, he is not calling us to asceticism, or to self-denial in general – he is calling us to deny those things which stop us following him. For some of us, those things include an unhealthy obsession with work (even ‘ministry work’) that comes from a mistaken assumption that we are Jesus, a lack of confidence in God, a fear of what we might find in ourselves if we ever stopped runnning around serving others. That inability to rest needs to be crucified along with all our other sin!
Thanks for the great thoughts on this. It’s good to know we all work on this, even as it’s sad to keep seeing how common the inability to rest or keep balance is for too many of us! The cyclical nature of how ‘life’ seems to spin out and grab more, tha fact that I will keep getting too full, is about all I have learned for sure – which means I cognitively know that I have to keep making more space in my life in intentional ways. The how of this is still sometimes murky to me! But I’ve at least learned my own warning signs for burn out and over-tiredness, and have given myself permission to skip out, leave early, take breaks, say no, rest, enjoy doing nothing, take sabbath, etc. a lot more then I ever used to. Maybe its the small steps that can help make a difference…